Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
