Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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