Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
