guys are only as good as the porn they watch
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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