That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
