nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
