...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
