My hair reeks of homosexuality.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
