so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
