The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
