He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The air was thick with penises
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
