imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
