It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
