i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
