census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
