I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
