apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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