My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
