Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
