I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
