how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
