yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
