maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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