You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
