3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
