thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
