Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
