I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
