He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
