One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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