Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
