i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
