if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
