I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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