She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
