Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
