Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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