I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
