WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
