come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
