I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
