I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
