He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize