She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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