It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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