What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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