I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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