Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
