I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
