these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
