we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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