dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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