Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
