eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
