Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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