she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
