we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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