I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm both gender and math confused
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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