He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
