her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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