I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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