I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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