I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
