I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
