My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
