Can Purell be used as lube?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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