I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
