I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
