Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
