he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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